Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
