i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My vagina is officially offended.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
