Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
