I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
