I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize