And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
