Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
