My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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