I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
