You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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