he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
