I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
