Even the bartender felt bad for me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
