dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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