This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
