Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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