What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
