I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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