I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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