so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just found puke in my bra..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
