i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
