Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
