If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize