i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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