Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
