Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
