went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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