So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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