sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize