we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
