not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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