I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
