so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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