Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize