He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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