I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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