Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
