come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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