I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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