Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
