update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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