Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
