I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
