i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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