Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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