I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
