What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
