I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
