Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
