Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Boobs are out for the taking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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