When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize