I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so let's talk penis.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
