If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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