He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
