and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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