did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
