kristin has been a bad kristin
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
