Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
