it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
