dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
