Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
