Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
