Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
