a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
