Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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