I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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