Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
