Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
