it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
