Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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