She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize