NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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