she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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