..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i think my cat just said my name.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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