SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
