is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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