My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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