I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
