No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
